72 || Why I write…
Up until a few months ago I would never have labeled myself a writer. It was not one of the nouns I ever used to describe myself. However, now, I feel that – yes, I am a writer.
The truth is that I never would have been sitting here, writing this blog post, if my boyfriend was still alive. It was the absolute sudden and tragic death of my sweet boyfriend that got me to this point of writing that I am at today. It was dealing with the loss of him and sifting through my feelings of grief that led me to begin blogging in the first place. His name was Richard and he was a fantastic writer. He had a delicate way with words that could make you swoon at the drop of a hat. Because of his love for writing, I decided to work through my grieving process via the written word, honoring him and aspiring to communicate hope to others, while also being raw and real.
It is inevitable that you will read Richard’s name a few times as I write. However, I need to make it clear that this is not because I am pining after him (though I miss him every single day); it is because I have grown more, spiritually and emotionally, since meeting Richard, falling in love with him and dealing with his death, than I have in all of my 27 years combined together. This is a bold statement I know, but it is one full of truth. We had a short, yet extreme, relationship that lasted six months before he suddenly passed away from acute myeloid leukemia. We did not even know he had a disease until the night before he died. On top of his tragic death, he was also a beautiful boy that happened to have issues with alcoholism and addiction. I have learned more about love, life, God and struggle from knowing and loving him. More than any Lifetime movie could ever hope to teach.
It was through these experiences that I have grown so close to the Lord. Seriously. He would have to beat me away with a metal bucket filled with tarantulas (wait…what? It’s all I could think of at this moment) to make me run. I belong to Him. Oh, how thankful I am that He’d never want me to run away. I have seen God’s hand and grace throughout every single situation that I have dealt with in the last year. I have felt hope and joy that can only be described as supernatural because how can anyone feel these things after going through something so horrible?! I don’t know. It’s supernatural – it is of the Lord.
I have no doubt in my heart that the Lord sent me Richard for a reason – a plethora of reasons. I am forever grateful for all of the things that I have been taught and shown from these very hard times. I can honestly say I would not change them for anything, for I know that it was God’s plan for me to go through them.
All this is to say, if you’re not going through something extremely difficult right now, then you have either just come out on the other side or you’re about to embark on it. Take heart! The Lord knows what He’s doing and He has you here for a reason. For a purpose that you will one day see. Cling to His love, His word and His grace. Put ALL of your trust in Him. This is the only time, “don’t put all of your eggs in one basket,” does not apply. Put all of your eggs in his basket, hold on for dear life and pray fervently during this crazy time.
He will deliver you and you will see glorious rewards because you followed Him.
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33